This Is Halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

FREEZE!

As for mustache halloween costumes in the office this year; how about some 70’s vice-squad action?

And don’t forget; the winner of the American Mustache Institute’s 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award will be announced tonight at their annual Stache Bash at the Orpheum Theater in St. Louis (featuring John Oates!). If I didn’t already have plans…

Have a Hairy Halloween!

Handlebars of Doom

Halloween is nearly upon us, so it’s time once again to revisit the topic I know EVERYONE has been waiting for… Mustachioed Costume ideas!

Between my original list of ten last year, the seven runners-up & the approximately 23 left in the comments, you would think that the proverbial soup-strainer well would run dry. But you would be so wrong!

So start growing your nose-neighbor and check out these ten additions for 2009;

Brenden Ryan: Maybe I’m a little partial to Brenden because I am a St. Louis Cardinals fan, but his was a great story for 2009. He started out the season as a utility infielder and ended up as an every-day shortstop for the division champion team. In case you didn’t know, the starting pitching staff along with a handful of other team members decided to grow mustaches at the same time for some reason. It lasted a while, but Brenden was the only one that kept it up after everyone else reached for their razors. And oh what a glorious ‘stache it was! So glorious in fact that Ryan was nominated for the 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year by the American Mustache Institute.

Chesley Burnett “Sully” Sullenberger III: Another great story for 2009, as well as another nominee for the Robert Goulet award, Sully was the U.S. Airways pilot that famously landed his Airbus A320 in the Hudson River after being hit by a flock of Canada Geese.

Gabe Kaplan: Go ahead – you know you want to sing the theme song to Welcome Back, Kotter. Doesn’t everyone?

Gene Shalit: I can’t believe Shalit wasn’t mentioned at all last year. Gene has been the film and book critic for NBC’s The Today Show for nearly as long as I’ve been alive. I mean, that’s not just a mustache. That thing is a work of art!

And speaking of the news, what about John Stossel? According to his Wikipedia entry, John is a consumer reporter, investigative journalist, author, libertarian columnist, and former 20/20 co-anchor. But it says absolutely nothing about his hairy upper lip. What’s up with that?

Dale Earnhardt: I am not a Nascar fan by any stretch of the imagination, but the impact of Earnhardt’s tragic death was not lost on me. His legacy will live on forever, and I’m not just talking about his driving. That mustache should be in the hall of fame!

Paul Teutul, Sr.: Not just the founder of Orange County Choppers & star of the reality show American Chopper, but also the proud owner of one of the most magnificent & giant cookie-dusters of all time!

Glenn Hughes: better known as “the biker” from the 70’s disco group the Village People. I realize of course that it would take a very specific kind of guy to pull this off as a costume, but just think of how awesome it would be! There were other members of the Village People that sported whiskers, namely the construction worker & the cowboy, but none were ever as impressive as the biker.

John Waters: The eccentric filmmaker of such wonderful works as Hairspray, Cry-Baby, and Serial Mom, as well as cult favorites like Pink Flamingoes, still sports his trademark pencil-thin mustache that is simply “Divine”. (Get it? Divine? HA! I crack myself up.)

Daniel Day-Lewis as “Bill the Butcher”: He’s a phenomenal actor, and probably the best part of Gangs of New York. But oh what a wonderful lip-sweater!

Post-it Note Portrait

Via Soul Pancake:

“In a portrait, you have room to have a point of view. The image may not be literally what’s going on, but it’s representative.” —Annie Leibovitz

It's one of those days

Here at SoulPancake, we like the idea of using the little things we have at our disposal to unleash creative magic. So, instead of using Post-it notes to write passive-aggressive notes about how the staff kitchen’s microwave needs cleaning, let’s get artsy.

1. Grab a Post-it note.
2. Draw, cut out, stencil, sketch or paint your self-portrait.
3. Snap a picture and paste a link below.

Talk Like A Pirate

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Arrrrrrr!

Just Add Water

You know, just in case you need directions on what to do with a bar of soap.

A closer look:

But, then what? Once the water is added is there anything else I should do?

Or does something magical happen? Like in Gremlins, only instead of multiplying it transforms into a French Maid with a loofah to scrub my back?

I don’t know.

I was so confused and frightened that I just moved it far away from water sources.

It just felt safer that way.

Change is Good

For whatever reason, this past month has been a season of change for me. None are earth shattering by any means, but they all happened at once. And sometimes the little things add up.

First of all, we got new cell phones. I know it seems silly, but we were the couple that would go into the Verizon store and ask specifically for the cheapest family plan available and whatever phones that were free. Period. This time was different though. We both ended up with LG enV3’s, mostly for the full keypads to make texting easier. That’s right, we’re entering the world of texting too. I still think people text too much and that it’s rude to do it in the wrong circumstances, like at the dinner table (clears throat & looks sideways at daughter). But there are benefits too, and we can both see that now.

Then I got a new wallet. I switched from the traditional folding leather, back pocket wallet to a sleek, modern looking, metal, and slightly nerdy front-pocket wallet. My first intention was to find something that would protect cards from bending, cracking and deactivating. Plus there’s the added benefit of not falling into the George Costanza wallet trap. (You Seinfeld fans know what I’m referring to.) So far I really like everything about it except for one glaring flaw; it organizes cards perfectly and keeps them clean & straight, the only thing that doesn’t fit correctly – is cash. Paper bills have to be folded twice in order for the thing to close. So when I go to pay for something small, like a cup of coffee, I end up fumbling around with it and unfolding and sorting bills with one hand… It’s not pretty. So I will either get used to it, or eventually I will try something else. But for now, I’m finally sitting straight.

Maybe the biggest change lately has happened at work. Before we left on vacation, I spent a day cleaning out my office. It actually sparked a rumor that I had quit or had been fired because I cleared everything out. Everything. The purpose being that while I was gone, maintenance came in and replaced my old ugly metal desks (I had two; one in front & one behind) and replaced them with nice cubicle pieces in a long L-shape. With my computer in the corner and the slightly higher desktop the whole workstation is much more ergonomically sound. Everything that I need is within arm’s reach. My arms are supported at the proper angle. Not to mention that with everything being organized it’s easier for me to focus and stay motivated. It’s kind of odd how such a seemingly simple change can make such a huge impact.

Last month, our church was blessed with a new pastor. Some people have reservations about losing a preacher and breaking-in a new one, but we’re United Methodist. Change is just part of life. And so far this change has been a breath of fresh air. He is absolutely wonderful from the pulpit with intelligent, witty, but heartfelt and thought-provoking messages. And he seems to have tons of great ideas for our church, many of which have so far paralleled a lot of the ideas I had for it too. As the weeks go by I get more and more excited and happy about being in ministry with this guy for what will hopefully be a long time.

And last but not least, the Wife is back to work. Summer vacation is over and the normal routines of the rest of the year can start again. The last week before and the first week after are always stressful, busy and long but it’s nice to know that we can get back into the swing of things soon.

As the comedian Gallagher once said, “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”

Positive Day

Let me begin by saying that I had a much better, much longer post drafted for today. But since I’m sitting in a hotel room on my way to our first real vacation in a few years, and the post in question is on a computer hard drive back at work, this will have to suffice.

That being said, it also reminds me of just how much I have to be thankful for.

Today is Positive Day in the Blogosphere. It is also Systems Administrator Appreciation Day. But most importantly to me, today is my eleventh wedding anniversary. And I can honestly say that I am still schoolboy smitten with my beautiful wife. I love her more today than I did the day we were married. As corny as it sounds, I married my best friend.

I am truly blessed!

Circumvolution is Salubrious

One of my stranger collections is made up entirely of tops. People often ask me why one would collect so many tops, and I really can’t offer much of an answer except that I just really like them. I like the idea of simple yet fascinating toys; toys that require no electrical cords, no batteries, no complicated instructions, no assembly; toys that don’t necessarily inspire competition or winners and losers. A chunk of wood with a sharpened stick through the middle and a little wrist action is all you need.

I guess if I think about it through the lens of my mechanical engineering background, I would like the fact that the design is simple but requires precision in order for it to work more effectively. The top must be perfectly balanced for each spin to last longer. The axis must be exactly centered and perpendicular to the outer disk in order to achieve this level of balance. Every aspect of the design can affect its overall performance; the length and position of the axis, the diameter and thickness of the disk, the weight distribution of the two parts, the surface that it is spun on and so much more.

Historically, according to Wikipedia, “the top is one of the oldest recognizable toys found on archaeological sites. Spinning tops originated independently in cultures all over the world.” Which fascinates that Discovery Channel part of my brain.

It’s been said that a top only exhibits the illusion of spinning. In reality it is always falling, but turns too quickly to actually fall. I’m not sure that I buy that explanation as I tend to lean more towards descriptions of gravity, angular momentum, and gyroscopic effect. But it does make for an interesting analogy. It’s not a perfect analogy (as Judge Sotomayor said during her confirmation hearings, all analogies are imperfect), but it’s an analogy just the same.

As a Christian and as a human, I am always falling in a billion different directions. I am an imperfect being and cannot possibly even dream to be able to continue spinning on my axis or standing upright under my own power for very long. Life is hard. The forces of the world are continually pulling me in every direction, trying to disrupt my life. I require something or someone bigger and infinitely more powerful than myself in order to keep going or to pick myself up and start spinning again. Which is why I, as the hymn says, turn my eyes upon Jesus.

A Cat Called Magic

I think we’ve been conned by a small yellow cat.

Oh, he knew what he was doing when he climbed the front steps of the church on Sunday morning as services were starting, being careful not to use one of his back legs as if it was somehow mysteriously hurt. I’m not sure how, but he must’ve also known that my wife & niece were in the sanctuary, neither of them being able to pass a hurt animal without welling up with tears and uncontrollably wanting to help the poor thing out. You should see them when those ASPCA or Humane Society commercials come on the air! It’s truly sad.

Well done young cat. You managed to play the Tiny Tim/Little Match Girl/Oliver Twist card to perfection. And now we are your unwitting host family; buying you food, providing you shelter & affection, nursing your supposed wound. Oh yeah. You’re good. We surrender to your overt cuteness.

The niece is so obsessed with “taking care” of him that she woke up well before my alarm went off at 5:20am to “check on him”. A fact even more impressive knowing that this little girl doesn’t usually stir before 10:00 during the Summer months.

She named him “Magic” because when we first brought him to the house we placed him in a critter crate from which he managed to escape multiple times. This prompted the wife (of course) to call him Houdini, which she had to explain to the inquisitive seven-year-old. But Magic is easier to remember.

the face of an evil genius