Happy Mustachioed Halloween

Co-worker Neal and I have spent the better part of a week coming up with Halloween costumes that hinge primarily on the “flavor saver” itself, the mustache. I have found this disturbingly entertaining for some reason and will be seeking the services of mental health professionals following October 31. But until then, just in case you are in need of a hairy lipped costume idea, we are here to help!

1) One of the easiest and most recognizable is of course, Magnum P.I. Add a Detroit Tigers cap and a Hawaiian shirt and you’re basically done. If you’re confident enough to wear those tight little shorts, more power to you. Otherwise, just wear some regular jeans (preferably white if you have them) and drive a red Ferrari if you know someone stupid enough to loan you one for Halloween. (And thanks to one of my wife’s kindergarten students, add a rubber pig nose and you become Magnum P.I.G.)

2) Continuing with the TV genre, how about B.J. Hunnicutt. Whether you choose scrubs with “M*A*S*H – 4077” stenciled on them, or fatigues, the look won’t be complete until you add the obligatory martini.

Unfortunately, the costumes we came up that were the most fun were also the most obscure. And no one wants to spend the day explaining their costume to the unimaginative. Let’s continue;

3) Tony Orlando. Unless you happen to be blessed with a head of hair like that, you will need a wig. Throw on a tuxedo with an over-sized bowtie and two identically dressed, nice looking women to walk around with you and you’re done. Good luck with that.

4) Bandit; as in Smokey and the Bandit. A tan felt cowboy hat, red button-up shirt, jeans & boots, and you’re good to go. The black 1977 Trans-Am is optional, but totally worth it.

5) Dr. Johnny Fever. I am actually not sure how you would pull that one off other than the sunglasses, dated clothes, and maybe s few Vinyl LP sleeves. I guess you could add a WKRP name tag, but it wouldn’t be authentic.

6 & 7) The inherent problem with either Freddie Mercury or Nacho Libre (both excellent and funny costumes) is that you have to be confident enough to show off your “bidness“, if you know what I mean. You might want to get that free sample of Enzyte ordered now.

8) How about James Hetfield? The mustache has to be trimmed in a specific way. But other than that all you need are black jeans, a sleeveless Metallica t-shirt, a pair of wristbands, some stick-on tattoos, an electric guitar, a healthy dose of unbridled rage, and a handful of lawsuits! Okay, maybe we should skip Hetfield too.

9) Ned Flanders. A green sweater, glasses and a bible, plus phrases like, “Hey-diddily-ho” and about half the people you know will get it.

10) The Stranger, also known as Sam Elliot’s character in the Big Lebowski. It’s just obscure enough that very few will understand, but those that do are alright in my book!

Runners up: Frank Zappa, Super Mario, David Crosby, Doug Henning, Lando Calrissian, the Swedish Chef, Rollie Fingers…

8 thoughts on “Happy Mustachioed Halloween

  1. Excellent suggestions all!

    Let us also not forget:

    * President William Howard Taft,
    * actor William Powell of the Thin Man movies in the late 1930’s,
    * Adolf Hitler,
    * the Beatles circa Sergeant Pepper,
    * (my name is) Earl,
    * and of course Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) in Pulp Fiction – though it would take one BMF to pull that one off.

  2. Thoroughly enjoyed the post, considering I just put together a similarly purposed one at my own blog: http://vandammedojo.blogspot.com/2008/10/five-halloween-costumes-for-mustached.html. I also include Magnum and Smokey. Others I recommend are Sergeant Slaughter and Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. Rounding out my top five is Kurt Sloan, the brother of Van Damme in the movie Kickboxer, who is paralyzed by the villain Tong Po. Does that qualify as amusingly obscure?

    I hope you agree with me in that, despite any homemade props that accompany the costume, the mustache should definitely be homegrown. You can have a fake championship belt as Sergeant Slaughter, but you better not have a fake ‘stache.

    A mustache is Mother Nature’s sex toy. And we all know sex toys can’t be glued on. Sure, they can be strapped on, but not glued on, my friend.

  3. Pingback: Happy Mustachioed Halloween - The Big Reveal « Adventures in Dullness

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