Decorate Your Ride

I realize of course that we live in a strange place; a tiny village nestled amongst a hundred other tiny villages. It’s a staunchly conservative landscape at the tip end of a historically blue state. “Redneck country” some might call it. It is the only place that I know of where you have to license and insure your golf cart or UTV in order to drive it on the roads, but old men regularly cruise their riding lawn mowers down Main Street to the post office without incident. It is a place when the men cut the sleeves off of their shirts, drive big pickup trucks and chew tobacco.

I would like to think that we are a unique oddity in small town USA. But somehow I doubt it.

To be fair, though the vast majority of my shirts still have their original sleeves and I certainly don’t chew tobacco, I do drive a big pickup truck. But for the record, one item that my truck lacks that most of the trucks in this area possess is the all too common decal on the back windshield in the shape of a bastardized Calvin peeing on something.

Sure, truck decals and other ornamental baubles come in a wide variety of flavors down here. There are plenty of Harley Davidson logos, deer heads and geese in flight, coal miners’ silhouettes, Nascar numbers, Disney characters, magnets shaped like ribbons to show support for just about everything, camouflage accents, and things that attach to your trailer hitch that look like large-mouth bass or boat propellers. There are also the always classy “Truck Nutz”. But that’s a whole different story.

Words and phrases are always some of the oddest decals I see. Like “If it’s brown, it’s down”; which is obviously some sort of hunting reference, but in certain neighborhoods will surely get you shot.

I will admit that I too decorate my truck to a certain extent, but on a much smaller scale. There is a St. Louis Cardinal logo in the back glass. There is also my statement about the silliness of the war between the Jesus fish and the Darwin fish, while simultaneously flexing my geek muscle; the Yoda fish. But I removed the decals that said “Han Shot First” and “There’s no place like” because I was getting tired of having to explain them.

The peeing boy on the other hand is a phenomenon that just makes my heart sink. It probably shouldn’t, but it does. It pains me first of all to see one of my all-time favorite comic strips perverted into something that the artist never intended and most certainly wouldn’t approve of. It bothers me too to believe that there are people who actually think that they are cute, funny, or clever. It’s really nothing but childish potty humor. As a friend of mine used to say, “Rude, crude and socially unacceptable.”

As if I needed you to prove your loyalty to Ford Motors to me, not simply by buying and driving one, but by displaying your desire to pee on a Chevrolet or Dodge logo. Ahhh – I get it now. Thanks.

There are also a handful that will inevitably lead to some sort of an unpleasant incident; like peeing on the words “Work” or “Ex-Wife”. I’m sure those will really get you ahead in life.

Probably what bothers me most of all is that these blatantly show that by liking one thing, it is okay to vehemently hate another to the point of doing something to it so vile and disgusting as publicly urinating on it. This is not the way people should treat one another. Yes, I prefer the St. Louis Cardinals to the Chicago Cubs. So I show my loyalty to my team with a “Bird on a Bat” logo – not by defiling a Cubs one. Why? Because though we disagree, I respect their fans’ right to support their team. I can root for mine without wishing theirs ill will.

No matter how delusional they are.

Wait… What?

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