The Curse of the Cookie Duster

Oops. I almost forgot the 2010 installment of my annual Mustachioed Halloween Costumes! And I know how devastated you all would be if I missed it!

Let’s face it guys. Unless you are Tom Selleck or Rollie Fingers, or are hiding an embarrassing scar, there’s just not much reason to grow a mustache outside of a Halloween costume. They are just not very attractive or practical on the vast majority of men; which is why I think I have so much fun coming up with each year’s list. So without further ado, let’s get right to the fuzzy-lipped action, shall we?

1. Clark Gable

Okay, Tom Selleck, Rollie Fingers, AND Clark Gable. But let’s be honest – no one’s pulling that look off except Clark Gable. Case in point…

2. Schneider

Pat Harrington’s building superintendent character on the sitcom One Day at a Time may have thought he pulled that look off, but he simply did not.

3. Prince (the early years)

As much as I like Prince’s music – especially some of that early stuff – the look was… well… you can see for yourself!

4. Cleveland Brown

Look at that happy mustached face! I love Seth MacFarland’s Family Guy spin-off – but I am too white, and have too many fingers per hand to attempt the Cleveland look without getting brutally beaten up in a dark alley.

5. Ron Jeremy

He gets all the girls – and their corresponding diseases. (He gives me the creeps – let’s move on…)

6. Hulk Hogan

Wrestler turned reality “star” – I can’t believe it took me this long to include the Hulkster… and that magnificent thing on his face.

7. Carlos Santana

You can sport any kind of ridiculous look you want when you can play a guitar like that! I, sadly, cannot.

8. Autolycus

But only as portrayed by Bruce Campbell on the shows Hercules & Xena: Warrior Princess. Why? Because it’s friggin’ Bruce Campbell people! (I have an uncontrollable urge now to go watch Bubba Ho-tep again.)

9. Iron Mike Ditka

Two words: “DA BEARS”! Although, not being much of a football fan, my main reference for this one is “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” – the Chris Farley & Mike Myers SNL skits.

and last but not least…

10. The Emerald City Doorman

One of Frank Morgan’s many characters in the Wizard of Oz – and probably his most annoying.

For more mustachioed fun that you may have missed from past years, click HERE and HERE.

Have a Hairy Halloween!

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6 thoughts on “The Curse of the Cookie Duster

  1. Ron Jeremy does indeed have a mustache. Be sure to check out Ron and his mustache in his first mainstream starring role in the new movie “Beaches, Buns and Bikinis.” Ron easily steps into a similar role played by Morey Amsterdam in the 1960’s “Beach Party.” Ron portrays a wise beach sage who owns the coolest hotdog stand on the sand and dispenses love advice to the young.

  2. Sorry to disappoint you but “Beaches, Buns and Bikinis” isn’t a porno movie. It is a 21st century version of the classic 1960’s beach movies starring Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon, just updated for a 21st century audience. Hence the statement “Ron Jeremy’s first mainstream starring role.”

    We still hope you enjoy it.

  3. Zappa, man. Zappa.

    Also, word on the street is that many female adult film performers have “no Ron Jeremy” clauses in their contracts. Guess you’re not the only one who finds him creepy.

  4. I didn’t know that I needed to read this post and its comments today, but I did. I’m about to go load the dishwasher and I am SMILING – who woulda thunk it?

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